they tried to make me go to rehab, but i said no (or: footpads product review)

(dude, so who *doesn't* love amy winehouse?)

no, but seriously. my feet spent twelve full days detoxing with kyoto's detox foot pads. basically, there is a small tea bag-like pouch of herbs (bamboo vinegar, tourmaline, chitin and detox herbs) that you put on a larger self-adhesive cloth pad that you then stick to the sole of your foot while you sleep. upon application, the pouch smells herbal and is white. within several minutes, the pouch warms due to some radioactive rocks which become activated by foot sweat and the detoxification process begins.

initially, i thought that there was no way that i could possibly sleep like this, let alone for twelve nights, but i actually found it quite soothing and drifted off to sleep. at 6:17 am, i found myself wide awake. being a sound sleeper, and beyond lazy, i never even get out of bed before 7:00, despite my alarm sounding at 6:30. i was awake. oddly awake, and fully energized. my body felt no different. my foot was sweaty and the pad was sweaty, dark brown and smelled strangely like bacon (actually, more like "beggin's strips" -dogs don't know it's not bacon!). adam's pad did not stay on, therefor his data for day one was incomplete.

day two, the bacon scent continued. we learned that you must empty the trash daily, or 800 square feet will smell like herbal bacon pdq. i awoke at 6:13. irritated that i was again, full of energy, and adam's feet were not swollen for the first time in several months.

day three turned into a mad-scientist type of experiment. adam attempted to move his pad to the precise location of pain above his "sausage" toe, and i switched feet. adam had successful results in relieving the inflammation, and i awoke, again, well before my alarm.

days four-twelve were very much the same result. and though the herbal bacon scent left me somewhat queasy, and i have no logical explanation as to why detox footpads may work, i would recommend that any skeptics try them out. we went into this experiment with zero expectations, therefor any placebo effect would be noted in our studies. one could certainly argue that my increased energy could be a placebo effect, but if anyone has ever seen me in my coma-like state in the morning, as compared to post-detox, i think you would absolutely agree that something has changed my internal clock. adam's foot pain and swelling were noticeably decreased.

possible challenges to our experiment: adam bought new shoes, which fit him well, and have eliminated most pain during the day, but not swelling during the night. we believe that he has a circulation problem. we have also adjusted our diet to limit most carbohydrates, and increase protein and fiber significantly. adam has lost nearly 15 pounds, and i have lost 3. i am currently working on stress-reduction and practicing yoga in lieu of my pilates. though the detox experiment was conducted during my break from yoga, it is possible that i am more chilled than i was last month.

and the bottom line: i believe that everyone should try them out at least once. perhaps they work, perhaps they don't, but they did make at least a temporary improvement in both of us. even on the weekends, i was still (and continue) to wake before 6:30 am. it's not something i'd like to do, but it is a much better feeling that being groggy for several hours every day. though i don't believe that they actually remove heavy metals (my pads were always darker than adam's and neither of ours really lightened up even after day 12) i do believe they have some type of herbal benefit. we paid $10 for a pack of 24 pads from a natural foods store at eastern market. i would not recommend that anyone pay much more than that, because apparently they all come from the same three chinese manufacturers anyway. certainly, the ones on television are identical, but very overpriced. i know a few of you were interested, and had purchased your own, so i'd like to hear your experiences as well. i'll update on my morning energy as my post-detox continues. i'd really like to sleep in again one day. preferably soon.

so go buy them and check them out. unless of course you're taking a fenegreek supplement, in which case, daedra brought up a very good point: if you're already smelling like maple syrup, adding bacon to the mix is only a good thing if you're at a family restaurant.