bring on da noise, bring on da funk.

this year my daughter was inducted into the junior estrogen society. a secret membership with special privileges to hang out daily with the neighborhood girls. this little girl club consists of eight girls between the ages of three and eight years old who have the ability to destroy a playroom in under a minute. my daughter is the youngest. i fear for her safety. not physically, but mentally- from a world i have been hiding her from- of bratz dolls and hannah montana and high school musical.

imagine if you will; a fearless swarm of bees, covered in pink glitter and squealing like tires on hot concrete. now multiply that by several thousand decibels and you may possibly understand the volume that such a group may create. unlike boys, the girls are cautious, careful and precise, but they are also cunning, self-centered and catty. they rapidly change leadership positions as others fall prey to the worship of the extremely temporary queen bee, while the former queen sheds a few tears, chucks a barbie and assumes their new position in line with the others. in fact, they bare a strong resemblance to a pack of little drag queens parading about the sidewalk preaching about their cause du jour.

thankfully, one of the poor mothers of another member just put up a climber in their yard. girl club has temporarily moved their meetings from our playhouse to their climber. my yard is quiet and glitter-free.

i have, however, been thinking of a way to stop the screaming and endless tattling. i believe it's called hormone replacement therapy, though i don't believe that i'm legally allowed to administer it to other people's children. i'm looking into alternative therapy.

today, while working away on the computer, i was suddenly startled by shrieks of laughter and overwhelmed by the smell of cheap fruity lotion. i looked up to see the entire girl club entering my kitchen. "no, no, no" i yelled. "you cannot come in- tegan is sleeping!" the reigning queen of the moment says, "mrs. vanover, just two kids can come in at one time then." "no." i repeat myself, this time with my stern teacher voice. "no children may come in. it is a nice day. play outside."

thankfully, i have survived yet another advancement by the estromilitia. i do not feel that i can hold myself very long though. they are sure to infiltrate soon.